Blue Bikini Series Part 2

Mar 03, 2021

 

The pressure of not fulfilling my potential & soul’s mission was c r i p p l i n g me, everyday.

 

Not because I didn’t believe in myself or know I was ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ meant to do big things,

 

but because the FEELING of living this big life

**having the passionate, epic love I dreamed of, traveling the world, making buckets of money, & helping womxn do the same**

 

was a ๐Ÿ๐š๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ซ away ‘felt sense’.

 

It was true in my mind,

but definitely not true in my body.

 

Honestly, I was really fucking confused.

 

I did everything I was told to do. And when those didn’t work, I found alternatives that worked better.

 

So why this ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™š๐™ง๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ก๐™–๐™˜๐™ ?

 

All the work I was doing, while it really did help, still wasn’t getting deep enough into my ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐›๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ.

 

...which lives in the BODY.

 

Cycles repeated, certain behaviors remained, an unconscious sense of ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ spewed out when no one was...

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Blue Bikini Series Part 1

Mar 03, 2021

 

(You haven’t heard this version x ending)

The hardest thing I ever worked for in my life was this body.

I entered the coaching space 10 years ago @ 19.

I thought I did it because it was ‘๐™œ๐™ค๐™ค๐™™ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช’ & I was super passionate about health x fitness.

But deep down, I always knew it was a career built on a shaky sense of worthiness - defined by my external beauty & the ‘success’ the world told me to have - & a strive for absolute perfection.

I was 21 when I got diagnosed with ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ด๐˜‚๐—ฒ from years of overtraining & extreme dieting.

I thought being raw vegan was the best way to do food. So I stopped listening to my body & followed the instructions.

I healed from that.

But 23, I started competing.

I lost all of my holistic practices & gained the bro diet.

I used PED’s, adderall, & drugs to support myself.

I had no cycle, gut issues, eating disorders & a lot of self hatred.

But I did really well in...

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Unwanted attention from men...

Feb 28, 2021

Say something about my nipples. I dare you.

 

I get a lot of questions from women about unwanted attention from men.

 

Like:

‘I want to be sexually liberated.

‘I want to stand in my power.

 

‘But men scare me.

‘I feel unsafe around them.

 

I GET YOU.

 

I felt unsafe in my sexual body most of my life.

 

I’m gonna say 2 really edgy things:

 

Ready?

 

1 Somewhere inside of you, prob deep in your subconscious, you ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ it. In fact, dare I say, you ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š it.

 

2 We can’t wait for men to respect us to stand in our erotic freedom.

 

That shit is ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’„๐’Œ๐’˜๐’‚๐’“๐’…๐’”.

 

Before panties bunch, I’m not talking about violent sexual attacks, harassment, & abuse.

 

What I’m highlighting is the deep rooted desire of our feminine hearts for male attention & gaze.

 

That. Is. Beautiful.

 

Modern day feminism has smashed on us for even wanting that, telling us to

need no man.

 

Bleh....

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Bringing Turn On Into Your Boundary Setting๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป

Feb 28, 2021

 

To tell it like it is…

 

Nothing turns a ๐˜€๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ป womxn on more, than an honoring of her boundaries, space, & Self

When I get that…

 

“Hey babe, call me when you have a sec” text

 

over a random call in the middle of my workday

 

I’m ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™ฎ turned on.

 

I feel respected, my time is valued & he gets the importance of my work flow.

 

I don’t know when boundaries became such a downer…

 

(it’s probably when ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ got tossed out the window)

 

but I want to remind you that they’re actually the complete opposite.

 

Boundaries are a tool to be used for:

***greater intimacy, deeper love & hotter sex***

 

When someone asks you permission to touch your p*ssy, tell me again how ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐˜ it makes you

 

(that’s what I thought)

 

Q: Why would any other boundary be different?

 

These sacred agreements — to be made in & out of the bedroom...

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A Hack For Better Boundaries

Feb 28, 2021

 

While I used to really love the idea of boundaries, because they’re incredibly self serving (can you tell I’m a virgo?), I really only loved just that…

 

the IDEA

The rebel inside of me

loved to play with fire

& loved the drama of:

 

xx having them & not having them

xx having them & having them be broken

xx having them, letting them be broken & then playing like a pig in shit when the shit storm came

 

When I dismantled these internal systems,

Awakened these lost parts of mySelf

& found my own agency,

 

Boundaries became a SPORT.

 

xx How can I use boundaries to have better relationships?

xx How can I use boundaries to bring more erotic energy in?

 

I shifted from looking at boundary setting as:

 

setting boundaries with others

TO

setting boundaries with the Self in RELATION to others

 

Standing in your Truth isn’t just about Knowing who you are & speaking up.

 

It’s about the...

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Asking for the help we need

Feb 28, 2021

 

You’re doing too much. 

If the ๐ข๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ซ ๐œ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐œ keeps saying, “you’re not doing enough” & it feels like you can never get ahead,

it’s probably ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ about what you’re ๐™™๐™ค๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ & ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ about there being **too much on your plate**, with way too high of an ๐™š๐™ญ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ to do it ALL.

 

The way I see it…

 

The problem is not in how many pieces of the puzzle.

 

The problem is in how many ๐—ฝ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐˜€ you’re trying to complete at the ๐™จ๐™–๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ข๐™š.

 

(without any support, team, partners in crime)

 

Generally, unless it’s one of those bitch ass iridescent puzzles, you can fairly simply complete a 200, 500, or 1000 piece puzzle.

 

The more pieces, the longer it’ll take.

 

But, you get it done.

 

Whereas, 5 puzzles by yourself is probably gonna be a hot mess.

 

My fellow ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด womxn who are used to basing their worth off of accomplishments & ‘doing-ness’, remember...

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The game of manifestation is a game of devotion

Feb 28, 2021

The game of manifestation

is a game of devotion

If we’re walking around

saying we want one thing

 

But settling for the next best thing

that comes through our door

 

๐‘ฏ๐’๐’˜ ๐’…๐’†๐’—๐’๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’˜๐’†?

 

Expansion & next level Becoming

requires trust in what will be yours

 

Because inside of you

 

« It’s ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐˜† yours »

 

Just like its already yours

out there in the ๐™ฆ๐™ช๐™–๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ช๐™ข

 

This is how I’ve created the life I have now

 

...through endless devotion to the next level, the ultimate vision - without second guessing or letting the fear take over

 

This is not the time for wishy washy decisions

 

It’s a time to commit to your vision

to the gifts you were given

 

So, come into trust

& let down the ego’s fuss

 

If you want it

 

then decide already

 

And be courageous enough

to settle for ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  less

 

And when the doubt creeps in

 

(Because it will)

 

Remember you were...

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Unlocking your full potential

Feb 28, 2021

It felt as good as a ๐ฐ๐ž๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฆ

 

…when she asked the ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง of my work

 

I’m here supporting conscious, powerful, purpose driven womxn to create safety & freedom in their body

By emoting & getting in touch with your

primal wild womxn

 

you release ๐˜€๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ด๐˜† in the body & dismantle internal systems to take you out of survival mode & ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—น๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น๐—น ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—น

 

(BIG MAGIC)

 

I guide you home to your ๐’‡๐’†๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’Š๐’๐’†

 

to live in the fullness of your being

to feel the spectrum of your emotions & sensitivity (ALIVENESS x connection to Source)

to be in your BIGness - your BEINGness

to ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐˜ & ๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ

to bring you into full Remembrance of who you really are

to soften into your tender, open heart for deep levels of ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ข๐™–๐™˜๐™ฎ

 

I’m here supporting you in ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด your inner mother, father, lover, God

 

I stand for your full expression

I want you as BIG & as LOUD as you can be

 

...

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Itโ€™s ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ž๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™จ๐™™๐™ค๐™ข knocking at my door, everyday

Feb 26, 2021

I woke up yesterday with my bleed right on time, to the day. The same 29 day cycle as the months before.

Natural bloating, slight cramps, a little bit of fatigue, and a strong pull to go inward.

 

Hello, inner winter

 

After struggling with hormonal imbalances from birth control & amenorrhea (period loss) from years of disordered eating, overtraining, & adrenal fatigue…

 

having a period, let alone, an ๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ฎ, predictable, fairly symptom-free one, wasn’t something I initially believed in.

 

But over the years, as I’ve come more & more home to my body & my being,

 

I’ve learned to ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜€๐˜†๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—บ & ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜€ to work WITH my hormones in a super advantageous way.

 

My cycle used to be something I ignored & didn’t care much about.

 

It was…. ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ.

 

Know what I mean?

 

Now, it’s something that’s become an integral part to my:

๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด-๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€,...

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Healing happens when we experience something different

Feb 26, 2021

 

Maintaining the persona of ‘๐œ๐จ๐จ๐ฅ, ๐œ๐š๐ฅ๐ฆ, ๐œ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ž๐’ womxn in front of the other in hard conversations limits the availability for intimacy in the moment

 

For a long time,

I wasn’t even aware I did this

 

Or that there was another way of relating because this pattern of attachment was developed so early on in childhood…like all of ours did

 

I’ve been working with this part of myself, specifically ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐—ฑ๐˜†, these last couple weeks, as I’m in launch mode for my 1:1 coaching

 

(working with attachment styles in relation to business is super helpful)

 

This dance between a deep desire to be seen, & hiding in my room because the outside world isn’t safe, is a young young part of me that lives under my right armpit

 

She’s familiar

I know her

 

And she gets scared when big things are happening

 

I lifted my right arm to expose this part of my body in front of my therapist...

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