The pressure of not fulfilling my potential & soul’s mission was c r i p p l i n g me, everyday.
Not because I didn’t believe in myself or know I was 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 meant to do big things,
but because the FEELING of living this big life
**having the passionate, epic love I dreamed of, traveling the world, making buckets of money, & helping womxn do the same**
was a 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐫 away ‘felt sense’.
It was true in my mind,
but definitely not true in my body.
Honestly, I was really fucking confused.
I did everything I was told to do. And when those didn’t work, I found alternatives that worked better.
So why this 𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠?
All the work I was doing, while it really did help, still wasn’t getting deep enough into my 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬.
...which lives in the BODY.
Cycles repeated, certain behaviors remained, an unconscious sense of 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 spewed out when no one was...
(You haven’t heard this version x ending)
The hardest thing I ever worked for in my life was this body.
I entered the coaching space 10 years ago @ 19.
I thought I did it because it was ‘𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪’ & I was super passionate about health x fitness.
But deep down, I always knew it was a career built on a shaky sense of worthiness - defined by my external beauty & the ‘success’ the world told me to have - & a strive for absolute perfection.
I was 21 when I got diagnosed with 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗲 from years of overtraining & extreme dieting.
I thought being raw vegan was the best way to do food. So I stopped listening to my body & followed the instructions.
I healed from that.
But 23, I started competing.
I lost all of my holistic practices & gained the bro diet.
I used PED’s, adderall, & drugs to support myself.
I had no cycle, gut issues, eating disorders & a lot of self hatred.
But I did really well in...
Say something about my nipples. I dare you.
I get a lot of questions from women about unwanted attention from men.
‘I want to be sexually liberated.
‘I want to stand in my power.
‘But men scare me.
‘I feel unsafe around them.
I GET YOU.
I felt unsafe in my sexual body most of my life.
I’m gonna say 2 really edgy things:
1 Somewhere inside of you, prob deep in your subconscious, you 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 it. In fact, dare I say, you 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 it.
2 We can’t wait for men to respect us to stand in our erotic freedom.
That shit is 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔.
Before panties bunch, I’m not talking about violent sexual attacks, harassment, & abuse.
What I’m highlighting is the deep rooted desire of our feminine hearts for male attention & gaze.
That. Is. Beautiful.
Modern day feminism has smashed on us for even wanting that, telling us to
need no man.
To tell it like it is…
Nothing turns a 𝘀𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗻 womxn on more, than an honoring of her boundaries, space, & Self
When I get that…
“Hey babe, call me when you have a sec” text
over a random call in the middle of my workday
I’m 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 turned on.
I feel respected, my time is valued & he gets the importance of my work flow.
I don’t know when boundaries became such a downer…
(it’s probably when 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 got tossed out the window)
but I want to remind you that they’re actually the complete opposite.
Boundaries are a tool to be used for:
***greater intimacy, deeper love & hotter sex***
When someone asks you permission to touch your p*ssy, tell me again how 𝘄𝗲𝘁 it makes you
(that’s what I thought)
Q: Why would any other boundary be different?
These sacred agreements — to be made in & out of the bedroom...
While I used to really love the idea of boundaries, because they’re incredibly self serving (can you tell I’m a virgo?), I really only loved just that…
The rebel inside of me
loved to play with fire
& loved the drama of:
xx having them & not having them
xx having them & having them be broken
xx having them, letting them be broken & then playing like a pig in shit when the shit storm came
When I dismantled these internal systems,
Awakened these lost parts of mySelf
& found my own agency,
Boundaries became a SPORT.
xx How can I use boundaries to have better relationships?
xx How can I use boundaries to bring more erotic energy in?
I shifted from looking at boundary setting as:
setting boundaries with others
setting boundaries with the Self in RELATION to others
Standing in your Truth isn’t just about Knowing who you are & speaking up.
It’s about the...
You’re doing too much.
If the 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜 keeps saying, “you’re not doing enough” & it feels like you can never get ahead,
it’s probably 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 about what you’re 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 & 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 about there being **too much on your plate**, with way too high of an 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 to do it ALL.
The way I see it…
The problem is not in how many pieces of the puzzle.
The problem is in how many 𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀 you’re trying to complete at the 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.
(without any support, team, partners in crime)
Generally, unless it’s one of those bitch ass iridescent puzzles, you can fairly simply complete a 200, 500, or 1000 piece puzzle.
The more pieces, the longer it’ll take.
But, you get it done.
Whereas, 5 puzzles by yourself is probably gonna be a hot mess.
My fellow 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 womxn who are used to basing their worth off of accomplishments & ‘doing-ness’, remember...
The game of manifestation
is a game of devotion
If we’re walking around
saying we want one thing
But settling for the next best thing
that comes through our door
𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆?
Expansion & next level Becoming
requires trust in what will be yours
Because inside of you
« It’s 𝗮𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 yours »
Just like its already yours
out there in the 𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙢
This is how I’ve created the life I have now
...through endless devotion to the next level, the ultimate vision - without second guessing or letting the fear take over
This is not the time for wishy washy decisions
It’s a time to commit to your vision
to the gifts you were given
So, come into trust
& let down the ego’s fuss
If you want it
then decide already
And be courageous enough
to settle for 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 less
And when the doubt creeps in
(Because it will)
Remember you were...
It felt as good as a 𝐰𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦
…when she asked the 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 of my work
I’m here supporting conscious, powerful, purpose driven womxn to create safety & freedom in their body
By emoting & getting in touch with your
primal wild womxn
you release 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗴𝘆 in the body & dismantle internal systems to take you out of survival mode & 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹
I guide you home to your 𝒇𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒆
to live in the fullness of your being
to feel the spectrum of your emotions & sensitivity (ALIVENESS x connection to Source)
to be in your BIGness - your BEINGness
to 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗮𝘁 & 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿
to bring you into full Remembrance of who you really are
to soften into your tender, open heart for deep levels of 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙘𝙮
I’m here supporting you in 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 your inner mother, father, lover, God
I stand for your full expression
I want you as BIG & as LOUD as you can be
I woke up yesterday with my bleed right on time, to the day. The same 29 day cycle as the months before.
Natural bloating, slight cramps, a little bit of fatigue, and a strong pull to go inward.
Hello, inner winter
After struggling with hormonal imbalances from birth control & amenorrhea (period loss) from years of disordered eating, overtraining, & adrenal fatigue…
having a period, let alone, an 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮, predictable, fairly symptom-free one, wasn’t something I initially believed in.
But over the years, as I’ve come more & more home to my body & my being,
I’ve learned to 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 & 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 to work WITH my hormones in a super advantageous way.
My cycle used to be something I ignored & didn’t care much about.
It was…. 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜.
Know what I mean?
Now, it’s something that’s become an integral part to my:
Maintaining the persona of ‘𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥, 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦, 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝’ womxn in front of the other in hard conversations limits the availability for intimacy in the moment
For a long time,
I wasn’t even aware I did this
Or that there was another way of relating because this pattern of attachment was developed so early on in childhood…like all of ours did
I’ve been working with this part of myself, specifically 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆, these last couple weeks, as I’m in launch mode for my 1:1 coaching
(working with attachment styles in relation to business is super helpful)
This dance between a deep desire to be seen, & hiding in my room because the outside world isn’t safe, is a young young part of me that lives under my right armpit
I know her
And she gets scared when big things are happening
I lifted my right arm to expose this part of my body in front of my therapist...