My Relationship Dramas
I’m going to get straight to the point...
I grew up in a dangerously abusive household
My soul made it very clear from an early age, that I was here to unravel big generational patterns & evolve in the realm of relationships
These experiences triggered a series of abusive relationships
Three of which ended in court orders
& one being impregnated without consent
I was so dedicated to ‘the work’, that I stayed in each of those relationships way past their expiration
I kept thinking:
if I can just fix this, then it’ll end
if I can just be better, then he’ll stop
if I can show him I love him more, then he’ll see me
(Replicating my younger self with my caregivers)
It never worked
**I made their issues my issues, which was my issue**
This was a result of not wanting to feel the hurt & pain done to me from an early age
And a trauma response to those experiences
Out of ‘self protection’, I fawned (4th trauma response) &...
I met Paul in the beg of Jan when I decided I was 4ever more done w/ conventional monogamy
I entered the dating space this time w/ a completely diff intention & energy than times b4
I had just moved out of a darker season filled w/ purging x cleansing, but mostly, pulling all of me back in, to me
I sat in my Womb Room, just the week before, & completed a deep process around men, relationships, & love…
the same process I’ll take you through in **Calling In Your Ideal Partner/Lovers** this Sat
Except when I did it, my main intention wasn’t about calling in a partner, contrary to the times before
Instead, I decided to declare the things I would no longer accept in [any] relationship
I refined my no’s
I p*ssy dreamed a list of ideal qualities
Once again, doing it differently
I asked myself whether or not I’d rather be alone than be w/ a man that didn’t have these things
Most of my answers?
“Yes, I’d rather be alone.”
This was HUGE...
"It just keeps getting better! It really does! I'm having the best sex of my life. He goes down on me every time & makes my pleasure a priority & I fucking love it. I'm here for it! I've been making so much money at work. YES! Obviously, the pleasure and money go hand in hand. It's INSANE to see it all play out! It's been so divine, so pleasurable. I'm putting myself first . It's magic. Thank you for existing. Thank you for helping me unlock all of these things." - SJ
Receiving messages like these from my Goddess Embodied clients is everything
These women who get on my table are warrior goddesses who go deep into the shadows to come out on the other side.
It’s serious work! And serious play!
**The way you show up in the bedroom is the way you show up in every other area of your life**
The people around you learn how to treat you, your body & your yoni based off of how you treat yourself, body & yoni.
Trauma lives in the body.
Working with a bottom...
Decoupling the thing you want....
from the thing you *think* it will get you.
HOW TO DO THIS!
Whatever it is we want SO badly,
is wanted so badly,
because we THINK it’ll get us
**fill in the blank**
When we decouple the things we want from the FEELINGS we think they’ll bring, we:
1 start to feel GREAT
2 decrease the pressure x importance of the goal
3 which in turn, speeds up the manifestation process
EX (we almost always want TWO things - love &/or freedom)
Partner & family = unconditional LOVE & feelings of belonging
recognize you are unconditional love. it’s everywhere around you. let it in! find people that make you feel like you belong & BE in those moments. feel what it feels like to belong
Bigger biz & consistent clients = fulfillment & more money = FREEDOM
recognize a bigger biz doesn’t always mean more money! fulfillment doesn’t come from anything on the outside. find fulfillment from the inside, & start to feel what...
Ain’t nothing wrong with a tinder booty call except maybe when you know it’s not for your Highest Good
TIMES IT MIGHT BE SELF DESTRUCTIVE
Out of integrity
Filling a void
Looking for love in all the wrong places
Avoidance // distraction
Not ways wounds heal
Before any self judgement comes in or you feel triggered & think I’m the bad girl or try to justify the times you’ve done this
Be honest with yourself & know you’re here to evolve your soul & take the trigger as an invitation
If you’re in a cycle like this, I hope you know the love you deserve!
It’s SO big & wide & deep & beautiful
The time between where you are now & when you receive it, will probably be filled with many dark nights of the soul
And every single one of them will be worth it
For a step my step process to support yourSelf in ending the cycle, check out my reel about “unhappily jumping”
For a deeper...
Can I tell you a sacred secret?
Your p*ssy is the portal.
…to your creativity, intuition, knowing & wholeness.
Orgasms help you Remember.
Sex is a gateway to God/Spirit/Source.
Can I tell you another secret?
I created the 5 step process for the upcoming Calling In Your Ideal Partners & Lovers Workshop because well, if I’m being honest, I wanted a taste of everything out there :)
And I was DONE dating the same person with a different face.
& ALL of the erotic blueprints
And damn, sister...
I didn’t think it was gonna happen that fast.
But it did!
[Your p*ssy is also the portal to your magnetism]
ONE week til we gather for the workshop where we’ll purge, cleanse, get clear & s3x magic our way to the relationships we DESERVE & DESIRE
May 21, 2021
Let’s play a game! What relationship pattern/s have the biggest hold on you!?
@elizabeth_fuckinmarie_psychic once said I used to date swat monsters #truth
When we clear trauma & generational patterns out of the body, we no longer accommodate our wounds (perpetuating the problem) & we stop making excuses.
We can see & feel ourselves clearly, again.
We no longer trauma bond, take on shit that’s not ours, or push our shit onto others.
But actually, it’s a reality
Ready to break patterns, clear trauma, & attract healthy relationships?
Links in bio for my 5/29 workshop - ***Calling In Your Ideal Partners & Lovers***
Especially in relationships.
When my desires were shamed...
When my voice was silenced...
When my body was violated...
Rather than seeing it as their issue & my choice to walk away, I made it about ME.
It’s not always about YOU, your growth, your person — it’s about realizing who is FOR you & who is NOT.
...and knowing when to walk away
(P.S. there really is no ‘wrong’ people ;) it’s all meant for you)
Calling In Your Ideal Partners & Lovers Workshop is 10 days away!!
Which means the doors for...
LOVE S3X MEN : heal the wounds of the masculine, open for deep intimacy x connection, & sink into the rapture of erotic devotion
...opens in 10 days too!
Info & sign up in bio
Can’t wait to meet all of you for this journey!
Your emotions are not some thing to figure out! They’re some thing to be felt x experienced. In this video, you’ll understand why you try to figure out the ‘why’ and how you can beat it. If you put pressure on yourself to have all of the answers all of the time & you like to control the outcome, watch this!
Reminder: Don’t wait for your patterns to be ‘done’ to stop giving them power & control.
Fact: Patterns end when we fill our holes & remember our wholeness AND allow our kinky shadow side to be tickled & fulfilled
One of the bigger shadows I needed to face in the relationship space was my love for drama (hey, it’s fun )
For awhile there, nothing got me more excited than playing in the line of fire with narcissistic, abusive humans
They fought for me. Over & over. Never wanted to let me go. Wouldn’t let me go. Would die instead of let me go.
My kinky shadow side LOVED this.
So did the younger me after a childhood of abuse where it felt like no one protected or saved me.
It was a familiar drama that filled certain underdeveloped parts of my psyche AND certain brilliant kinky shadow parts of my psyche.
When I brought the unconscious to the conscious, & whole heartedly reveled in the danger for a bit...
I, eventually, no longer needed to...