I woke up yesterday with my bleed right on time, to the day. The same 29 day cycle as the months before.
Natural bloating, slight cramps, a little bit of fatigue, and a strong pull to go inward.
Hello, inner winter
After struggling with hormonal imbalances from birth control & amenorrhea (period loss) from years of disordered eating, overtraining, & adrenal fatigue…
having a period, let alone, an 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮, predictable, fairly symptom-free one, wasn’t something I initially believed in.
But over the years, as I’ve come more & more home to my body & my being,
I’ve learned to 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 & 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 to work WITH my hormones in a super advantageous way.
My cycle used to be something I ignored & didn’t care much about.
It was…. 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜.
Know what I mean?
Now, it’s something that’s become an integral part to my:
Maintaining the persona of ‘𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥, 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦, 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝’ womxn in front of the other in hard conversations limits the availability for intimacy in the moment
For a long time,
I wasn’t even aware I did this
Or that there was another way of relating because this pattern of attachment was developed so early on in childhood…like all of ours did
I’ve been working with this part of myself, specifically 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆, these last couple weeks, as I’m in launch mode for my 1:1 coaching
(working with attachment styles in relation to business is super helpful)
This dance between a deep desire to be seen, & hiding in my room because the outside world isn’t safe, is a young young part of me that lives under my right armpit
I know her
And she gets scared when big things are happening
I lifted my right arm to expose this part of my body in front of my therapist...
Feeling 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 to structure & form
Is less about the 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 & 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎
And more about
With the rest
of Who You Are
< a pleasure seeking erotic goddess >
When things, especially our business,
Feel hard & draining
Where are you not allowing yourself the full range of your expression?
When we feel resistance
It’s because 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗱𝗱𝘀
-a unification of the two-
And Recognizing them as one in the same
Allows us to be All of it at once
And None of it at the same time
If you sometimes feel like a pleasure, flowy, junkie who just can’t get anything done…
It’s probably because you’re not allowing yourself to have pleasure be PART OF your life
We live in a world that says
𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 mix biz with pleasure
But I disagree :)
And ever since dismantling that program,
I moved to Denver less than 3 years ago with no paying clients, thousands in CC debt, no car, 2 dogs & a deal with my brother to meal prep in exchange for rent because I didn’t have anything else.
I was working hard to move my successful in-person biz online, but my personal life kept getting in the way.
I ended an extremely abusive relationship when I got here. But 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant.
For the couple years prior, the body dysmorphia & eating disorders I struggled with my whole life, got really bad from competing in the fitness industry.
I was also quietly fighting substance abuse & a pattern of partners that ended with court orders of protection. Yes, more than 2.
It wasn’t pretty.
But I was relentless on my pursuit for inner freedom, impact, purpose, wealth, success & epic love.
I always knew I was meant for more & that these parts of my journey were the roadmap to my success.
Okay, it was way more than ‘that one time’ ;)
But wowza, did I wish I knew the goldmine that was under there from the start…
The way we show up in the bedroom, is the way we show up in every other area of our lives.
As I’ve grown my biz into the multiple 6 figure range over the last 3 years, it has revealed to me, over & over, where I was either available, or 𝙣𝙤𝙩 available, for 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.
When I first started my biz (as a holistic health coach + boxing/yoga teacher 10 years ago), like many of our relationships start, it was 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙡.
There was more focus on the external, the image, the identity piece, the ‘am I really this?, ‘how can I be more of this?’ Kind of thing.
As the years went on,
my relationship to my biz changed.
Some moments were great. Filled with love, secure attachment & receiving.
Other years were, 𝗻𝗼𝘁.
When I fell out with myself,
the more you strengthen your ‘no’
the more 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 you become
because your ‘𝙣𝙤’
is really just your ‘𝙮𝙚𝙨’
you’re a 𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒏𝒆𝒕
& calling in
is 𝙘𝙤𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙘 𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙮
doesn’t care what language you use
about the 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬
the more 𝙣𝙤’𝙨 you have
the stronger your field gets
this makes you 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 as ever
and a really strong receiver
for your heart’s deepest desires
keep your awareness on 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒅
energetically hold 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 vision
embody 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 highest self
to crystalize your reality
let your no’s
be your roadmap
to the bigger
a deeper conversation on this subject with a breakdown to implement & optimize is on a brand new solocast on The Reclamation Project on iTunes / Spotify!
It’s always right there showing us, through its natural function, how to take what is already inside of us, out into the world.
These functions teach us to live in harmony with both the ecosystem within, & around us.
Arousal: Under the Erotic Blueprint framework, I’m an Energetic Shapeshifter (links in bio to take the quiz). This means slow, anticipatory touch gets be hot, wet, & ready. Too much too fast usually makes me shut off & lose my turn on.
My body literally THRIVES on less is more.
For me, this is how I operate in biz x life. Less is more. The more I slow down & the more I stay present in my body, the more pleasure, wealth, success I create.
Orgasm: generally speaking - there’s quite the build up, climax, & come down. After a roller coaster like that, the body needs some stillness & rest.
Same in life. We have a launch, a big event in biz...
As we move
It’s easy to know ourselves
in the comfort of our own space
But in community
There are edges
is what we must press up against
for a new level of Self
What’s been helpful for you in getting into communal space after deep self work?
How we walk around in our sex
is a great tell
for whats happening everywhere else
This doesn’t feel good
anywhere in our body
Holding our sex in that way
to me, is like holding our breath in, to life
Constantly taking in
rather than receiving
They are different
One is in ego
and the other
in our sex
is to relax
When we are bracing, clenching, holding
we are cutting off
from the flow of erotic creation
that wants to be unleashed
we have to open the gates to allow
and let God
Through the openness
in our hearts,
of our sex,
and with our bodies
[codes from my last moon]
Applications for my 1:1 are open…
Your feminine wants more, wants bigger, wants better. She wants it harder & faster & deeper.
Let’s give her want she...
Money codes money codes money codes
Currency flows where we see
and where we don’t see
We pay what we pay
for our mentors
because we get more than the tangible
the things we see with our own
two human eyes
We up level from their frequency
we receive the energetics of the level they’re holding
For the collective
For their vision
for the mission being birthed through them
Our mentors x coaches
are holding the energetics
the higher expanded vibrations
that allow us to rise up x step into
In the same way we hold specific codes for our clients
We are all leading each other home
magic everywhere around us
Take time for all the contact you can
stay in your body
breath in the present x the greatness of those around you
Keep holding the energy of your queendom
Allow it to keep expanding
Claim your space
Claim it wide x big x deep
take up all of it
And allow those around you to rise with the...