Blue Bikini Series Part 4

Mar 03, 2021


The other part of this story has been the overall transformation of my physical body from the time I started somatic work until now

I said I worked my whole life for this body

& I did

But a deepest learning, was the 𝙥𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙨 that occurred when the other layers of mySelf were nurtured x tended to

When I look in the mirror now
I see the body I always wanted

But it didn’t come from muscling or forcing
my way into it, like my really familiar previous course

It came from bringing the dark parts of my subconscious, into the light

I had to first DECIDE I was done with the struggle & the fight

I needed to put down my weapons

& then get my body onboard

I was
& am a warrior

But she’s no longer the only active part

I brought my soft, sweet, tender feminine back online

Through hours x hours of being with her

**Understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, loving, redefining**

And more

Our relationship has shifted & deepened over the years

Just like my body

The physical aches & pains, like tension & tightness in my hips, have never felt more open

The trauma from my hip surgery in HS cleared

The back pain where violent hands & attacks laid dissipated

The negative, dramatic, aggressive & emotional relationship w/ alcohol changed to giggles x laughter

I could have sex again

**like good, free, painless, pleasure filled, intimate sex**

I no longer cried when a man touched me

I let go of what others thought of me

I was finally free to be me

& my body followed because the work I did, started & ended in the tissue

The body holds it all

Our fear / joy / stories / bliss

When our body doesn’t budge, despite our efforts, it’s holding out of protection

Something is stuck, hiding, scared to let go

While forcing never works, a gentle nudge on the right areas does

The freedom & ease I have in my body now,
came from regulating my nervous system,
clearing stuck energy,
finding safety in others,
& allowing myself to move through the extreme discomfort that came from receiving.

       & the body I always wanted, finally came home to reveal her true self💛


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