Blue Bikini Series Part 2

 

The pressure of not fulfilling my potential & soul’s mission was c r i p p l i n g me, everyday.

 

Not because I didn’t believe in myself or know I was 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 meant to do big things,

 

but because the FEELING of living this big life

**having the passionate, epic love I dreamed of, traveling the world, making buckets of money, & helping womxn do the same**

 

was a 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐫 away ‘felt sense’.

 

It was true in my mind,

but definitely not true in my body.

 

Honestly, I was really fucking confused.

 

I did everything I was told to do. And when those didn’t work, I found alternatives that worked better.

 

So why this 𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠?

 

All the work I was doing, while it really did help, still wasn’t getting deep enough into my 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬.

 

...which lives in the BODY.

 

Cycles repeated, certain behaviors remained, an unconscious sense of 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 spewed out when no one was looking, & the feeing of ‘𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞’ persisted.

 

I felt stuck.

 

Really really 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤.

 

When I finally found myself in the space of somatic sexology, 3 years ago, my life 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙚𝙙.

 

We’re told fast transformation doesn’t last or it’s not real, but when it actually happened for me, AND the people around me, through this practice, I knew I couldn’t do anything else, but this right here.

 

This showed me why all the other things didn’t give me what I wanted.

 

It wasn’t addressing the 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 in my 𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙪𝙚

 

And although I had mentors, I wasn’t letting anyone in.

 

So when I worked WITH my trauma somatically, (first needing to acknowledge that I had a bunch of it)

 

& trusted my healers with my 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮,

 

my life made sense

& I opened.

 

My heart opened.

My body opened.

 

And my ability to receive 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱.