A vulnerable share & normalizing intimacy not feeling safe

Dec 22, 2022

Back in the day, I'd prefer to have $ex with random men I'd never see again than men I'd have to...

While I was conscious of this choice

It didn't feel like something I had conscious control over

In fact, I knew something was backwards....but I didn't know what to do about it

At that time, I wasn't thinking about safety the way I do now...

Safety then was about not getting pregnant, an STI or abducted

Safety now is about attunement

These intimacy issues I walked with, was a result of childhood abuse & trauma

And while deep down I knew this, my family system continued to teach & show me that physical violence & emotional abuse was not just normal, but deeply intertwined with 'love' & 'protection'

When I eventually left that system & culture, I grew to understand why I felt what I did & did what I did.

An abusive relationship + nonconsensual pregnancy, my willingness to feel & heal my trauma, the art of somatic sexology, & well trained/skilled practitioners to hold & teach me how to do it... saved my life

I wouldn't be who/where I am today without those experiences.

These days I have $ex with one person, my partner

And often times, he's the last person I want to have $ex with

Despite how good our $ex is

Despite how much I actually want it

Despite how much I love him, he loves me, & we love each other..

Despite my level of professional & personal experience

Despite how hot our tattooed muscle-y naked bodies are together

Sometimes, that's still the experience I have in my body

And holy f*ck, I really want to normalize this experience...from not feeling safe in intimacy to feeling safe in intimacy 🔥

& ALL THE WOBBLES IN BETWEEN

This morning, we made love, deeply in sync & deeply in tune

I bursted to tears in multiple places

Letting him hold me as I let myself fall apart

I felt the edges in my system
I felt the places that felt hardened
I felt his love as he told me how much he adores & wants all of me

Today I let the love in a little more
Today I let the grief out a little louder

Leaning in to the softness can sometimes feel like the hardest act

And relationship has encouraged my scared, young, little parts to move…towards something..much greater

Cheers to life handing us exactly what we need

Cheers to softening

Cheers to men, my man, who can hold women in these places

Cheers to being seen, messy & imperfect, & still having a lover who wants to fuck you all over the place ☀️

I want to normalize this experience

& the wobbles that are part of the healing spiral

More tips on this tomorrow - hint Erotic Blueprints are FAB for this 🦋

🎉CONGRUENCE - the mini immersion for high level leaders, visionaries & paradigm shifters - to bring pl€@$ur€ & p$$y in the front seat
…Is happening January 7

Play is the way 💃🏼🪩

Come get a taste of what Somatic $exology is all about 👅

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A vulnerable share & normalizing intimacy not feeling safe

Two Step