i bought my first $ex toy at 21
quietly…while my ex bf was at work
the website i ordered from showed up as an incognito charge + address label
the amount of SHAME i held in this purchase was so big
(no wonder the company i chose ‘protected’ their customers like that..so no one would catch them…goddess forbid๐น)
i wouldn’t have even known it was shame if you asked me…i would have thought it was ‘just the way it was’
that’s what good, lovable girls do…yah?
i remember in that relationship, i was really only able to have $ex when i drank myself into it
i didn’t know what to do about it…but i also didn’t want to deal with it
i hid that pink jackrabbit๐ฐin the back of my closet, never to be found
i barely used it
but when i did,
i only used it on the outside
i didn’t really like being penetrated…def not from myself
it made me feel dirty, greedy - like whoever really enjoyed that…was ‘that girl’
they were…the ‘others’
now, i am who i am today
enthralled by my work
obsessed with my mission
in love with my clients
filled by my $ex life
in deeeep with partner
all of it
& still…sometimes…
those other thoughts - like being the exiled $ex girl comes in - & i get scared you all ‘other’ me…disapprove of me…reject me…are disgusted by my openness
it’s illogical
nonsensical
ridiculous
& outrageous
&….its real
it’s ancient, actually
deeply embedded in who we are as women
it is almost 2022 & we are still fighting the fight against censorship & $exual liberation
the shame runs deep
& the big guy up top who runs it all is covered in it
if my story sounds familiar…
know there’s nothing wrong w you or your $ex
you are MEANT to be having the experience you’re having right now
…to free yourself
& those before + after you in your lineage
keep opening to Spirit/God through your body
i believe the future of humanity depends on it๐ซ
p.s. TWO VIRTUAL WORKSHOPS this weekend to support you in shedding shame & coming home to your sexuality๐๐ป
๐๐ซ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ on 11/7
๐๐๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐ฐ๐ง ๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฏ๐๐ซ w/ voice expert @jessica.sirena on 11/6
ready to play?! dm me for the links ๐
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