The other part of this story has been the overall transformation of my physical body from the time I started somatic work until now
I said I worked my whole life for this body
& I did
But a deepest learning, was the 𝙥𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙨 that occurred when the other layers of mySelf were nurtured x tended to
When I look in the mirror now
I see the body I always wanted
But it didn’t come from muscling or forcing
my way into it, like my really familiar previous course
It came from bringing the dark parts of my subconscious, into the light
I had to first DECIDE I was done with the struggle & the fight
I needed to put down my weapons
& then get my body onboard
I was
& am a warrior
But she’s no longer the only active part
I brought my soft, sweet, tender feminine back online
Through hours x hours of being with her
**Understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, loving, redefining**
Feeling
Feeling
Feeling
And more
Feeling
Our relationship has shifted & deepened over the years
Just like my body
The physical aches & pains, like tension & tightness in my hips, have never felt more open
The trauma from my hip surgery in HS cleared
The back pain where violent hands & attacks laid dissipated
The negative, dramatic, aggressive & emotional relationship w/ alcohol changed to giggles x laughter
I could have sex again
**like good, free, painless, pleasure filled, intimate sex**
I no longer cried when a man touched me
I let go of what others thought of me
I was finally free to be me
& my body followed because the work I did, started & ended in the tissue
The body holds it all
Our fear / joy / stories / bliss
When our body doesn’t budge, despite our efforts, it’s holding out of protection
Something is stuck, hiding, scared to let go
While forcing never works, a gentle nudge on the right areas does
The freedom & ease I have in my body now,
came from regulating my nervous system,
clearing stuck energy,
finding safety in others,
& allowing myself to move through the extreme discomfort that came from receiving.
& the body I always wanted, finally came home to reveal her true self💛
50% Complete
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